Monday, February 3, 2014

Super Bowl Day Thoughts

This isn't going to be a sports post, because the actual game sucked.

- I tend to eat a lot of cheese on Super Bowl Sunday. Every year I make my famous I-can't-cook-very-well queso dip. It's the large box of Velveeta, a pound of "Hot" Purnell's Country Sausage, two cans of Rotel, and a can of fire-roasted green chilis. It's just white trash enough to be delicious.

-Remember about ten to fifteen years ago when the commercials were kind of entertaining? Now, the only entertainment springs from the mouth breathers who are offended by commercials. This year, Coke had a bunch of people sing "America the Beautiful" in different languages. Now, keep in mind, these people were singing a very PRO American song. Coke didn't roll out Al Qaeda to chant "Death to America" in Arabic while chugging Diet Sprites. But Twitter, where morons gather to count to 140, was full of "Damnit this is America speak English when you sing our national anthem" tweets. First, if you don't know that "America the Beautiful" isn't our national anthem, you forfeit any right to be offended by who sings it. Also, just shut up. For once in your life, shut your sewer mouth.

If I ran the Coca Cola Company, I'd hire a team of translators to decipher cave drawings etched untold thousands of years ago in far away lands by tiny people who were two generations removed from walking on all fours, I'd buy commercial time during the Academy Awards, and I'd have a group of non-white actors sing "God Bless America" in that specific forgotten language.

Then around Christmas time I'd buy time on the Fox News Channel and have a treasure trove of non-English speaking people saying "Happy Holidays" in every major language currently spoken on this planet. This would unite the "Speak English" crowd and the "War on Christmas" crowd, and their collective outrage over something that doesn't affect them in the least would be palpable, and highly amusing.

Seriously, screw those rednecks for making me defend a commercial I thought was kind of corny.

- I hope that if, God forbid, my inability to control my weight causes my early death, people don't take to social media and say "Well, he got what he deserved," because that's exactly what is happening with Philip Seymour Hoffman and his drug addiction.

- I'm guessing a lot of people were crushed to see Bob Dylan selling Chryslers last night, but it didn't really phase me. Sometimes it helps to be part of a generation that realizes that sooner or later, everyone is a car salesman.


  1. Cheese and sausage dip……I remember a crock pot full of that stuff at a party once. We ate it ALL!!! Didn't poop for a month.

  2. Mine's just Velveeta and Pace Picante Sauce (HOT), maybe with some heated-up veggie crumbles (Morningstar Farms) in it. Now THAT, my friend, is laziness. Other hispanic people are embarrassed by me.

  3. I make a "dip" by mixing approximately equal parts sour cream, tomatillo salsa, diced jalepenos and diced (canned) tomatoes.